Hilltoppers-AFG Online Meeting

bobc · Site Admin

Karen:

If you can possibly get to live (f2f - face to face) meetings, the fellowship can be very helpful.

Best wishes...

Cool

karent

bob,

I found a meeting somewhat near me in Huntsville (thanks walchr!) and will be going next week. Smile

Thanks,

Karen

karent

I went to my first f2f Al-Anon meeting on Tuesday. I walked in wondering "What can Al-Anon do for me?" but left thinking "What can I do for Al-Anon?" The people I met were so strong and I realized that, while this might not be the life I expected, it is the one God gave me. My experiences and the decisions I've made, both good and bad, are what others are facing too. It's up to me whether I wallow in sadness, remorse, and guilt or move forward and do something positive with these experiences. I choose the latter. And yes, I will keep coming back. Smile

bobc · Site Admin

Karen:

Excellent. Congratulations. May the trend continue...

Cool

karent

I find myself looking forward to my f-t-f meetings. I never talk about any of the things I think about sharing during the week (in fact, so far I've only shared my name and "I don't care to share anything now" Smile

) but the meetings are enlightening in ways I never expect.
Last week a member of the group was talking about her childhood with an abusive father. I felt so grateful that I didn't grow up like that as my father was a "happy drinker" and the light of my life. It was my mother who was angry, withdrawn, and controlling and the "cause of all my problems." And then the light bulb went off...... alcohol was the reason then too. I don't doubt my father loved my mother, but I know that after a difficult childhood she needed a stability that doesn't exist when you're living with a person who drinks all the time. And I had continued the cylce, marrying a drinker (with not nearly the charm of my dad) and becoming angry, withdrawn, and controlling (my husband used to say "you're just like your mother" well, duh!). It was at that point that I forgave myself for leaving my marriage. I was never going to be able to change/help/save him; the only person I can save is myself. In doing so I'm a happier person and a better mother, teacher, and friend. I don't know yet if I've broken the cycle, but I've at least given my three girls pause for thought.
I'm not saying that every person should have to leave their marriage. Maybe if I'd gone to meetings years ago I would have been able to deal with my situation differently. The beauty of the program is that it speaks to each person where they are and with what they need to hear. When we "let go and let God" God delivers.

bobc · Site Admin

Karen:

These are huge insights. What I find is that no matter how far I've come, there is still more that will be revealed. Fortunately, the concept of "One day at a time" has taken hold for me. Like you, I could have certainly benefited from the program much earlier than when I arrived. But, it has all happened in "God's time", and I'm grateful that it actually happened at all. Yes, it's important that the future generations are shown that there can be a better way - whether they choose it (today), or not. Then again, that's another item over which I have NO control.

Best wishes...

Cool

elizabeth

Karen - thank you for sharing. Those are indeed huge insights. I too have come to believe that all things happen when it is time - sometimes that belief is the only way I can have peace around the events of my life.
I tried Al-Anon twice before I finally "arrived". The first time I came because I was pissed at someone - that turned out to be not a good enough reason to attend. The second time was with genuine good reasons but for some reason it still didn't click. I had been in AA about 12 years at that time and when I saw the similarity in the steps I thought - I don't need another 12-step program, I just need to work the one I have.
When I finally started Al-Anon in earnest, 18 months ago, it clicked and I have been like an Al-Anon sponge ever since. I too wonder, from time to time, what path my life might have taken if I'd come five, ten, fifteen years ago but... doesn't matter. I'm here now and it works.
Please keep coming back.

karent

Bob and Elizabeth-

Thank you for your replies. This is such a great forum (wish it had been here 15 years ago). I probably wouldn't have considered going to a f-t-f meeting if Bob hadn't encouraged it so I thank you for that. It was time.......

annaisjoyful

Hi Y'all,

What great insights, Karen. I watched my own mother go through the program when I was 17, and her courage, strength, and hope are what inspired me to get well, too! Who woulda thought? Of course, in my mom's mind, Al-anon is something she "shoulda" done years ago...however, with more time in the program, it becomes apparent that ANYTIME we show up, it's the right time.

Also, I'm noticing it's time for me to get to a face to face meeting, quick! When I don't stick around al-anon, I have a tendency to let sick people run my life and occupy rent-free space in my head. When I am not around healthy people like I find in al-Anon, I feel sick myself. But, I do have a choice here; i can choose a) to go to some meetings this week and b) to realize that the sick people I come across in life are on THEIR life's journey, it's not mine. I can choose whether or not I want to be a part of it.

karent

I'm constantly amazed at what a difference a meeting can make. I hope you made it to your meeting Anna. Smile

holymacro

I have been thinking a lot lately about self-sabotage. There was a time where I would allow small things to ruin my day. It's taken me forever to see that it's not normal to feel like s&*$ all the time, and that it's possible to be peaceful and happy. Maybe I didn't believe I deserved it. Maybe I felt like there was some way of getting there, but how everyone else was getting there was totally beyond me. I definitely felt like there was some secret to living life, and that I was left out of the loop.
This year has been rich with opportunities for growth. I have been told "no" at least three times in situations that could break me, but look what's happening instead. By the grace of whatever there is out there (yes, I'm agnostic) I knew exactly where I could go for help and support. I have been realizing more and more that I can decide what perspective I'm going to take in life, and that based on this perspective, I can feel good about things or I can feel bad about things. I feel like if I'm careful, and I take things minute by minute, the day goes by and I feel ok... good, even. Imagine that! I'm still very new, and these are tiny baby steps, but it's progress, and for that I am very grateful. Thanks for being there, all of you out there.

bobc · Site Admin

HM:

Good deal. Almost every day I am reminded of the depth of the program, which is embodied in the simplest terms, and read to the newcomers. No matter how long I'm around the program, I'm still at the beginning, thus: