Hilltoppers-AFG Online Meeting

KathyS

My oldest son, Jason. is the tennis coach for Judson High School in Converse, Tx.

I went to watch his tennis tournament against Westlake High School in Austin last weekend. He didn't expect his team to win and they didn't....if you looked at the scores.

There was a player from Westlake that cursed and made degrading remarks against Jason's team at every match. I was not happy (actually angry) about that and considered it 'unsportsman' like behavior. I, of course, told him so. In all other sports, if someone behaves like that, they are thrown out of the game. I am protective of his team that I have grown to know and love. I asked why he wasn't thrown out of the matches. He informed me that doesn't happen in tennis.

He also said, 'Someone has spent a great deal of time teaching him how to behave like that'. Hit me like a knife. He's right.

What I am grateful for here is that my son was calm about it all and he has coping skills that I did not grow up with. He got it. I didn't.

What happened in the end was that the kid who was rude came walking by the Judson team after he had showered. Jason patted him on the back and told him what a great player he was. This kid needed support in life and Jason provided it.

That has helped me tremendously at work this week and, for that, I am extremely grateful.

I am also grateful for a son that does not judge.

Kathy

walchr

Kathy,
What a beautiful testimony to the work you have done to recover! Your story gives me hope that I can turn it around for my kids and grandkids. Also, such a wonderful example of how children can lead us in the right direction.
Thanks for sharing,
Christi

bobc · Site Admin

I'm grateful that KathyS has posted again. Haven't heard from her for a while...

Cool

KathyS

AND....I am grateful for Bob who monitors and maintains this website that maintains this website...

Thanks, Bob

JIH

I am grateful for the serenity prayer to keep me grounded, and to give me confidence to face what is unknown--to chase away my anxiety.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Danno

With the holidays upon us, I am grateful to be wearing an Al-Anon brand tool belt complete with the proper tools.

When I need a hammer, I can practice patience. When I feel the need to glue someone's mouth shut, I can instead tell them they may be right. When I need to detach, I don't have to reach for the hatchet. When I feel righteous, I can use my scale to find a better balance. When I want to point fingers, I can look in the mirror. When my squirrel cage is spinning faster than I can cope with, I don't have to lubricate it, I can choose to get off. When I am hungry, angry, lonely, or tired ... I can halt and take care of myself.

By god, this program is a life saver.
I am not exaggerating in the least ...

KathyS

Can't think of a better way to describe the holidays!

Congratulations on putting the Al Anon program so succinctly!

JIH

New Year's Day--a new year lies ahead. Clean slate.

Growing up in an alcoholic's home, as a kid, new year's day was painful--watching as the fog would lift. The remorseful looks. The shame. Then the contempt. "What are you looking at?" I couldn't shrink far enough away. Then when I was old enough, I started acting out. I could go to another world, be "liberated." And it looked like the cycle would continue.

It's been 11 years now that I've been able to get a clearer view. Being a parent has shown me who I really want to be: available and capable. Alcohol seemed to muddy this. Above all things, I want to be authentic.

I am so incredibly grateful that I can clear away the mess. Reveal what is. I can be here for me. I can be here for my family . . . for my kids.

Happy New Year.

Danno

We went camping out in the Pedernales for New Years. Left Thursday morning & just came home. It was great! Warm days (69) & cold nights (26). Lots of hiking but no swimming (except for Max (dog)).

It is an understatement to say that I love technology. This was far enough off the beaten AT&T path there was no iPhone service. No voice, no texting, no email, no web browsing, no nothin'. Shiny!

It was absolutely beautiful to get away from it all ... and I was grateful for that. I am also grateful now to be back being 'connected'.

Without this program, I doubt I would have had the awareness to appreciate the one without the other.

Danno

I am grateful that so much wisdom is shared in our room & online.

Thanks to each and everyone of you who contribute by "suiting up, showing up, sitting down and shutting up" (feel free to substitute "speaking up".

It is a little course maybe but that was how I heard it put years ago ...
We all have days we need to center, be quiet and listen & other days we are driven inexorably to share.

KathyS

I celebrate 7 years in Al Anon this month! What a gift!

I am grateful for all of those who are sent by God to support me in and out of this program. I know that when I rely on God, I don't know where the support will come from, but I know it will come.

I have learned that support for doing the 'right' thing is the most important motivator in life.

elizabeth

Recently I learned of the death of a counselor I saw early in my recovery. He was only 64 years old. He found incredible joy and fulfillment in helping people in life, and it showed in his dedication. He was also willing to gently push me to keep moving forward. "I don't know..." was never an acceptable answer, but he was willing to wait patiently for me to discover my own answers. He was such a gift to me and helped me take the first tentative steps to a much happier life. I am grateful beyond words that I was directed to him, that I was willing to work with him - and he with me - and that I reaped so much benefit from his wisdom.

Danno

At this moment, I am sitting on the floor ... we do have chairs in the house but we sit on the floor - it feels more grounded & connected to the vital flow of the universe ... watching my dog Max sleeping flat on her side. She usually lays on the floor too but actually uses the couch more than we do.

Anyway, I am reminded how happy this creature is and how much I can learn from her. She harbors no resentments, doesn't have a well spun squirrel cage than needs no oil, lives in the moment, doesn't fret about the future, is thankful for whatever is offered, gives unconditional love, doesn't hold onto disappointment for long, doesn't engage by aggressive behavior, etc ... The list goes on and on.

Undoubtedly she learns this by coming to the Saturday Al-Anon meetings during the cooler weather. While Max stays in the car, I swear to god, she must hear what is going on in that room. What other explanation could there be - lol.

All creatures under the Tao can teach us their secrets if we are willing.
When the Student is ready, the Teacher appears.

CalM

It's been a long time since I've been to a meeting. When I moved to my current city, I called to find out about meetings, and discovered that there are apparently no wheelchair-accessible meetings in the entire city. The person I talked to on the phone also made the point that Al-Anon is for families and friends of alcoholics, not disabled people, as if it were impossible to be both. (If my mother is to believed, one of the contributing factors to some of my impairments is the amount of drinking she did while she was pregnant with me -- I have no clue whether she's credible on this point because she has come up with some pretty inventive lies when she wanted to hurt me, but on the other hand I can't remember a time before she was getting drunk regularly.) Pretty much every attempt I made to find support or a friendly group in this city turned out much the same, and over time I've become less able to get around anyway. So most of the people and groups I have strong ties to are some physical distance from me these days, but readily accessible online.

I looked online for physical meetings recently, and although the nearest meeting to me may be held in a room I can get into -- they mention an elevator in the directions -- I'm unlikely to be able to get to it except on extremely rare occasions.

Recently, I've been thinking about my mother, with whom I have not been in contact for more than 15 years. She sent me a series of 3 letters over the course of a few months, all of them when she was drunk (meaning she may not even know she wrote and sent them), and all of them telling me basically that I wasn't good enough to be in her family. The first two times I apologized and promised to do better. The third time I thought it through and realized that some of the things she doesn't like about me are things I am unable to change, and others are things I am unwilling to change. I like them about myself. So I told her she was probably right. And that was the end of my relationship with every single person in my extended family. Which hurt, but I'm honestly better off without any of the ones I both loved and enjoyed than with all the ones I loved whether I enjoyed them or not. I may make an attempt to contact my mother soon. I'm not sure.

And I've also been reading what's been going on at the mamapundit.com blog -- the blogger's 18-year-old son, who was not living with her but with whom she was in regular contact, was beaten during a drug deal and/or overdosed, landed in the hospital with significant brain damage, and died a little over a month later. When they heard he was in the hospital, the blogger started posting about his addiction. Even though he was in a residential rehab place for about 8 or 9 months while he was 17, occasional posts by people who know the blogger offline suggest that the blogger didn't go to Al-Anon and may not have had any counseling related to his addiction.

So it's had me conscious of some of the issues that I've found Al-Anon helpful for in the past. I've been doing some things that have worked for me before, especially the alphabet game (you know: I'm grateful for the fact that the Air conditioning is finally working in my building, I'm grateful for the Books I have access to, I'm grateful for Coke Classic because I enjoy it, I'm grateful for my Dogs, I'm grateful for my friend E****, ....), which helps me focus on what's going right in my life instead of what's going wrong (which is not something that seems to come naturally to me), and I finally decided that if I can find a meeting that works for me, that would be a good thing. And if I can't, well, I'm going to get my hands on some Conference-Approved Literature.

So I've come looking for online meetings. I tried one once before, but it wasn't a good fit, so I signed up for two different ones last night, including this one, and we'll see how it goes. I picked this thread for my first post because gratitude is one of those factors that makes a huge difference in my life.

Which makes me grateful for (a) access to a computer during regular business hours and occasionally at other times, (b) the development of the internet, and (c) this website, among other things. Thanks for being here.

bobc · Site Admin

Cal:

Thanks for your post. You're welcome here, you can post as much or as little as you want. At times, there isn't a lot of traffic on this meeting - visibly - but there are people who log in every day and read the posts.

I'm sorry for your dilemma. I am certain that there are people who go all the way through their natural life, and out the final exit of life itself, and never "get it". My dad was one of those. He insisted on dragging us all down into the drain with him as he suffered. I did what I could for him, and what I needed to do for myself. I loved him, but I could only go so far with him and the "disease". I am extremely grateful to have made peace with him, and with myself, before and since he passed away.

We've had house-bound people here in the past, and the meeting has worked for them. We've also had people who live in remote areas who can't get to meetings regularly, and it's worked for them. Good luck, I hope you find what you need here.

Cool